Vicclap fórum téma:Idegen nyelvű viccek
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2010. június 22 15:05:29
I don't understand anything now. Yesterday I went through a door that had 'women' written on it, and all I found was a couple of toiletts.
2010. június 22 07:05:06
Sign on a door: "WARNING: Use door for entering and exiting only!"
- vajon mire gondoltak itt...?
2010. június 21 06:28:26
A
cannibal chief invited over another cannibal chief from a different
tribe over for dinner. They sit down and eat the best meat. After
dinner, the visiting cannibal chief said, "Wow that was good! Your wife
makes the best meat." Then the other cannibal chief said, "Yeah, I'm
gonna miss her..."
2010. június 21 06:27:24
A man gave the waiter his order, "Black coffee, no cream"
The waiter came back and apologized, "I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you take your coffee without milk?"
2010. június 21 06:25:03
A
tribal farmer watching a Tarzan movie rushed out of the hall the moment
a tiger appeared on screen, advancing menacingly towards the audience.
The gatekeeper trying to stop him argued that it's only a movie, to
which the tribal replied: "I know it's a movie, you also know it is,
but does the tiger know"?
2010. június 10 00:04:47
A blind man walks by a fish market. He takes a deep breath and goes "Good morning ladies."
2010. június 7 08:05:20
“Didn’t you suspect burglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor?” asked the policeman.
“No, I just thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt,” replied the woman.
2010. június 7 08:04:00
Tim asked Bob “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”
“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob.
“Yes, I have” replied Tim.
“Well, he didn’t” said Bob.
2010. június 6 20:12:59
What is a zebra?
Twenty six sizes bigger than an A bra.
2010. június 6 12:52:13
-John, tell me a sentence that begins with 'i'!
-I is...
-No, no, John, 'I am'
-Oh, ok. I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.
2010. június 4 20:42:28
hátha valaki megérti, én egy tíz percig röhögtem rajta...lefordíthatatlan
La un restaurant pescăresc:
- Serviţi şi caracatiţe?
- Servim pe toţi clienţii…
egész jó, bár nem szeretem a román nyelvet. baromira hasonlít minden nyelvre (talán mert a cigányok rokonai XD), ezért értem. a polipot mondjuk szótárból néztem 
Élvezem az ilyen eseteket, félreszólásokat. 
Nem emlékszem, hogy velem történt volna hasonló. 
Erről jut eszembe, állítólag megtörtént:
székely diák Kolozsváron súlyzót akar venni:
- aveţi greutăţi?
- da, avem şi probleme, şi greutăţi
Hasonló eset matraccal:
- aveţi mătreaţă?
tényleg nem tudnám lefordítni, de guglifordítóba beütve azért meg lehet érteni, hogy mi benne a vicc eredeti nyelven 
2010. május 31 06:13:59
At
a bar Tom said to Bill; "Uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took
wheels from a Cadillac, radiator from a Lexus, tires from a Ford"
"What did he get?" asked Bill
"Two years." said Tom
2010. május 28 02:26:08
The census taker knocked on Miss Gibson’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. “But everybody tells their age to the census taker,” the man said. “Did Miss Mary Hill and Miss Patty Hill tell you their ages?”
“Certainly.” Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped. “As old as the Hills,” the man wrote on his form.
2010. május 28 02:25:37
While attending a Marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor. “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Jack leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Its Pillsbury isn’t it?”
2010. május 25 15:49:10
Apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
2010. május 25 13:22:46
Short Guide To Religions
Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?!
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Har Krisna: Shit happens, Rama Rama!
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit!!
Atheism: No shit.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'.
Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
2010. május 24 07:03:29
A man is being interviewed for a job. "What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?" "The slightest noise wakes me up."
2010. május 24 07:01:11
A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. "I'm afraid her mind's completely gone," he said. "Makes sense," mumbled the man. "She's been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years."
2010. május 24 06:57:51
Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free. As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he was. "I am 4 years old". "And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver. "When I get off the bus" answers Johnny.
2010. május 21 07:13:23
Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager's office, and says, "I want a loan; I am going to divorce my husband." "Oh, we don't give loans for divorces," the manager says. "We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement." Kathy interrupts: "Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category of 'Home Improvement.' "
